Tips and Traps: Breadcrumbs and Connecting-the-Dots

“Connecting-the-dots” is a kind of expository writing trap that many writers fall into. When
characters move in space or time, the writer describes detailed steps of the physical action or internal thoughts/feelings required to get the character from one place to the next—connecting the dots for the reader. Even if the writing is solid, connecting-the-dots is still expository and it slows things down. It feels like empty space to the reader.

As a general guideline, unless something important is happening physically (action) or emotionally as a character moves from one action/event to the next, we don't need to see it. Think of this as laying out breadcrumbs for the reader to follow. When we're following actual breadcrumbs up a trail, we just need to be able to see the next one ahead. Each one doesn't have to be touching our feet in order for us to make the connection and continue the journey.

Breadcrumbs are the opposite of connecting the dots. Instead of tracing every step of the journey, you as the writer make choices about what's most important, and then use those moments to move us through the story. Trust readers to imagine the extra details and events.

Below I'll show you the difference between "breadcrumbs" and "connecting-the-dots" using the opening page of an old trunk novel of mine that I've been reworking. It hasn't really settled into a genre, but right now it is middle-grade horror.









Breadcrumbs:

Moonlight shone through a paper window, onto Mina. She lay on the stiff wooden floor, her teddy bear acting as a pillow. Waves crashed against the pebbled beach outside. The stones jostled under the surf.

A decrepit old woman appeared in the doorway. Her eye-sockets were empty. She floated towards Mina. The old woman's feet dragged, thumping over cracks in the floorboards. As she passed out of the moonlight, she glowed in a greenish hue. Just a common ghost, then. Not a gwisin. Nothing to worry about.

The ghost made a crackling noise deep within its throat.

“You're almost there," said Mina. "Come outside and I'll show you the way." The ghost did not acknowledge her. They never did. But Mina liked to believe that ghosts understood humans on some level.



Mina stood on the beach, just out of reach of the waves. All around her, ghosts marched into the sea.

She bowed three times to the distant island, the Land of Spirits. After the third bow she remained on her knees and prayed. “Mom, I can’t sleep. I’m scared about tomorrow.”


Now let's look at an early draft of the same scene. The dot-connecting is labeled red. Since this writing trap makes passages overlong and grinds the pace to a halt, I'll pick it up from Mina talking to the ghost, which is where the most egregious dot-connecting takes place.


Connecting-the-dots:

 

The ghost made a crackling noise deep within its throat.

“You're almost there," said Mina. "Come outside and I'll show you the way." The ghost did not acknowledge her. They never did. But Mina liked to believe that ghosts understood humans on some level.

She arranged her faded, loosely fitting shirt and trousers before sliding the door open and stepping onto the creaky walkway outside. She signaled the ghost to follow. Mina slipped on a pair of worn shoes and stepped onto the grass, breathing in the cool night air as she glanced upward and saw countless stars glittering in the sky. The beach lay before her and a bamboo forest stood behind. Her simple, thatched roof hut sat on a strip of tall grass that separated the beach from the trees. “This way.” said Mina as she strolled toward the water.

Mina stood on the beach, just out of reach of the waves. All around her, ghosts marched into the sea.

Mina pointed herself in the direction she knew the Land of Spirits to be and bowed, touching her hands and knees to the ground, before standing upright. She repeated this two more times and after the third time, remained on her knees. “Mom, I can’t sleep. I’m scared about tomorrow.”


While the first red paragraph has details to help the reader visualize the world, there isn't anything there that is immediately relevant. We see Mina put on her clothes, open the door, put on her shoes, look around (which is filtering), before finally heading to the beach. Nothing relevant to the plot or revealing of Mina's character happens. Even if something is going to happen in the forest later, its not necessary to see the forest until it factors into the story. We expect to see Mina at the beach with the ghost, and the longer it takes for her to get there, the more "work" we feel like we have to do to become engaged in the story.

Readers are good at imagining transitions. There's no need to "walk there" if nothing affects the plot along the way. In the "breadcrumbs" version I replaced the entire red paragraph with a scene break.

In the final paragraph we see physical dot-connecting. Is it necessary to see the individual steps of the bow? Maybe. The difficulty of the bow may show Mina's devotion and work ethic. But if you stack up too many point-by-point descriptions the writing will become dry. Let readers imagine these mundane actions.